How Do I Blog?

Should you continue to pursue something as a hobby and on the very outside of your intentions, as a potential dream-job, if you know that getting there is extremely, extremely unlikely?

This question becomes especially potent when you combine it with the fact that finding time to allow for your natural drive to come through is difficult and your enthusiasm is somewhat dampened by the realities of what you are trying to achieve.

To contextualise this, I’m talking here about being a writer and that on a daily basis my brain is filled with imagery from fiction I’ve devised and I have a strong desire to get it out of my head and to share it with the world. I’ve long ago given up the ghost of being a writer of novels or stories, I don’t read enough any more to do that and to be honest, I think I was only acting out on my desire to put words to the images in my mind. Images that are inspired by moving pictures and cinema.

I am very passionate about film and what I love most about cinema are the enduring images, the scenes that stick in your mind, and the awe and spectacle that can be achieved by implication rather than outright manipulation and CG creation (though those things can be pretty fucking cool too when done right). I’ve been tinkering with screenplays and script format for about a year now and have a couple of hobby-horse scripts at various stages of development, I had the time to work on these during a considerable downswing at work where I had a lot of capacity to sneak in hobbies.

Outside of work, other desires and laziness factors creep into eating up my time - plus I’m so busy at work in my new role, and happy doing it too, to sacrifice the work quality to squeeze in hobby time. The reality that my ideas are ultimately Big Budget movies, not small independent cinema that I could perhaps struggle with on the fly and assemble projects with arty friends, and that cracking Hollywood isn’t exactly the easiest challenge.

So, do I give up on pipe-dreams and allow my natural procrastination to stop me from “wasting” my time writing scripts if they are ultimately too big for me to have a probability of converting?

Should I stop worrying, be happy, do what I can when I can and just hope that some day other people appreciate my natural genius?

le sigh

I am very conflicted.